This had to be done... There aren't enough cynics around


What to expect in 2013?

·        POLITICS
1.     A few other billion bucks scams surface, PM remains silent but an ‘intellectual’ minister makes light of the situation by cracking jokes, earning the ire of the nation
2.     The ‘Yuvaraj’ campaigns in 20 other states, loses 19 and wins 1. Shamelessly his supporters celebrate the victory and proclaiming him the heir to the throne.
3.     Aam Admi, while struggling to gain its fair share of voters, manages to get more than its share of the media spotlight thanks to the other political parties.
4.     For the 66th year running, no corrupt politician is prosecuted or punished.
5.     Having realized the near impossibility of winning in TN, both the major Central players lend their support to K’taka in Cauvery issue as the latter continues to ignore the S.C In TN however both the lead parties are seen squabbling over minor issues as their peers in K’taka stand united.

·        SPORTS
1.      Sachin Tendulkar fails to notch up more than 2 centuries in a series, leading to increased calls for his retirement as India slumps to the bottom of both Test and ODI. Fletcher is then removed as coach and Rajinikanth replaces him. 2 days later, all other Test playing nations quit, making India the no 1.
2.      Saina Nehwal makes her acting debut opposite to Ranbir Kapoor, simultaneously, her sporting career crashes.
3.      IOA still in shambles ensures India is banned from the next seven Olympics. The interim president then says this was a conspiracy to prevent India from sweeping all the medals. Everyone has a good laugh.
4.      Indian Hockey team wins the odd championship, but it goes largely unnoticed in the IPL frenzy, where CSK make it to the finals after scoring 42 runs off a rejuvenated Agarkar in the last over in the eliminator.
5.      Vishy is crowned world champion in a near total anonymous ceremony oblivious to most Indians who are busy cheering for the newest sporting sensation-a 18 year old gal dubbed the next Sania Mirza-as she loses the first round qualifier to US Open, 6-0;6-0 to a 12 year old kid from Mongolia.

·        MEDIA
1.      A sting operation exposes one Mr. X, ‘paying to get preferential services in the global market’. It loses its sting as it is later revealed that Mr. X was actually tipping a waitress in McDonald. The TV channel apologizes as a shadowy figure is seen cursing in the background.
2.      The social media overflows with outrage as a boy is arrested for allegedly posting ‘defamatory posts against the government’. His post-on a bill to be passed- should have read “Vote, for, it Counts.”
3.      The media predicts a landslide; we end up with a hung parliament. The party predicted to win ends up with 2 seats.
4.      Reporters protest and quote the right to freedom as they are carried away while trying to photograph a cricketer cooling with his alleged girlfriend by the beach. A media blackout ensures no rumors are spread that night.
5.      Complete dedication to an India-Pakistan match ensures that the protest regarding violence against women goes unreported.

·        HYPOCRICY
1.      American economy goes into a downward spiral; however, the demand for America Mapillai goes through the roof. The reason being 1$ is 50 rupees…
2.      Feminists decide that being skimpily clad is the new ‘liberation’; strangely the Chauvinistic man is the first to laud the decision.
3.      Mr. X opposes reservation. Then the government brings the 120% reservation bill. Mr. X was the first person to be spotted to get that certificate that ensured him .00005% of the share. He is still vocal against reservation and strives for quality by memorizing 10^6 useless facts.
4.      “If my kid dates, he/she is modern. If yours does, he/she is loose on morals”-becomes the Middle class Mantra, replacing the timeless “Only Engineers and Doctors make money”.
5.      Every higher secondary topper wants to ‘serve the villages’. But when the government makes rural service compulsory after ANY professional course, they decide to fly abroad for higher education-apparently, slamming the infrastructure without contributing is the new hip.

1.      DHOOM 4 starring Salman as the villain breaks all BO records. It is then found out that it is a scene by scene remake of The Matrix where the Agent and his bumbling sidekick take on the big thief/hacker Prem who steals a rather important pen drive-the contents of which are revealed to be…
2.      K. Jo’s interpretational modern day musical about Independence with an ultra good looking cast bombs in the box office as SRK fails to pass as a teenager competing with Ranbir for Saina’s love.
3.      AR. Rahman wins 2 more Oscars for yet another Danny Boyle film. Although the film is highly critical of India, the ‘elitist’ reviewers are all full of praises. The odd honest reviewer is fired and dubbed ‘tasteless’.
4.      Reality TV ends the reign of every other program. Ekta Kapor starts her own show, “Kan you Kut a Kake?”
5.      Justin Bieber wins a Grammy, World ends-but this time for real…