This had to be done... There aren't enough cynics around

High Five

1.       The First Exam

                 Although I was barely 3 years old when this happened, this is the stuff true legends are made of. Sadly, in the decades that followed, my legs got tired and reduced the tale to making ‘ends’ meet. However when Bards sing about the dude whose weird sarcasm got him admission into Institute of Mental Health, as a patient, this will be the starting point.

                It was an important entrance exam... In fact the most important exam I have written yet. It was for admission into UKG. With a vocabulary exceeding 25 words I was geared to tackle the exam. After having aced counting from 1 till 10 and getting 26 alphabets out of the way, I was making life hell for the invigilator, or so I am told. Just as they were looking for a reason to send me out, an act of chivalry did me in. 

                Another candidate had trouble with ‘Q’ and yours truly in an act of utmost selflessness, helped his peer. “O with half of the Thevar Magan Meesai”.. These were enough to get me thrown out of the exam hall, but also ensured that I got admitted into a school whose greatness has now been lost among the weeds (literally).

2.       The Almost Flunk
              Right after a near disastrous score in my 12th exams, I was back in school for the re-evaluation process. My class teacher- whose daughter had gotten into Med-School the previous year was too eager to cheer me up.

                “Don’t worry... My daughter had only three cent percent scores and got only 99% in Chemistry...”

               Whether she wanted me to join some other course and have a life that I have missed until now or if it was her way of driving a guy into depression, we will never know. But what I did know was that the dude that corrected and gave my Chemistry paper the low score possibly had more copies of the Stupidity gene and Careless-to-the-point-of-nearly-ruining-someone’s-life gene.

             After getting a dozen more marks, I was accepted into Med-School and my shrink tells me that those words have irreparably scarred my inner ear.  

3.       The Phone Call

              After several months of shy texting, my then crush and I had progressed to making the odd call. In one of those hands shivering, body shaking call ceremonies, she asked if she could borrow my copy of DaVinci Code. Rather than see this as an opportunity to take one step ahead, I went on rambling about Foucault’s Pendulum and other crap that makes me wonder how she didn’t bleed to death/ disconnect and never pick my calls ever again.

              That was the moment I realized that I would be a guy that would perennially get friend zoned... And I am proud of that... Well, almost

4.       The Flunk
               The very first test we gave in Med-School was hilarious. Apparently, all the post graduates wanted to prove a point. It is imperative to note that the gang of PGs included a lady who thought kicking the bucket was a euphemism for failing the exam and another one was just too serious to call us by our names...she used our roll numbers... The horror

              Anyway, they failed every guy that wrote the exam and let just 2 girls pass. Why them, we will never know. But I did find this... In a place where an accurate anatomical description would score less than an adjective addled verbal vomit, scores matter less especially if the post-fail party introduces you to a couple of guys that remain your best buddies  half a decade later.

5.       The Threat
            As a blogger with as many readers as there are honourable news anchors, things were going fine. Then I posted something that somehow offended some people. Boy, aren’t the fan-boys jobless and abusive...  Expletive after expletive... Threat after threat... I did love it... There was some guy somewhere that actually thought that responding to the words of (another) nearly jobless dude was a necessity.

              After that, I have been accused of being among other things, a chauvinist- a point that I have time and again tried to prove wrong. But still, as long as chivalry remains misconstrued as chauvinism, I shall remain a chauvinist.


Anonymous said...

O with a Thevar magan meesai.. LOL. And about the focault's pendulum.. I know that feeling bro :-). Good one as usual.

Sai Sriram said...

Thank you :) That 'feeling'...especially in retrospect, is the worstu...